You know how it is. You have a book to write and so you put yourself in a small cottage in a village somewhere miles from home. And then you discover the neighbours of said cottage are actually pretty bloody noisy and when they are in, you doing any writing is out.
Still, there is an internet connection so you pootle about online, casually checking Twitter (not that you are addicted, obviously. You can stop at any time. It was just a good place to mention the neighbours), catching up on podcasts and then remember that Comic Relief’s charity auctions are coming to an end.
You’ll just take a look. See what there is and how much crazy people are prepared to giveaway for some exper …. WAIT. WOAH. There’s a chance of taking a spin in a rather funky Tesla sports car with Robert Llewellyn? And appear in an episode of Carpool? That is gonna go for a ton of money. Still, you never know right? Won’t hurt to put in a bid. And so you do.
An hour passes and no-one has outbid you. You continue to work and not compulsively check the auction every two minutes. Eventually the writing bug takes over and a couple of hours pass unnoticed.
With an hour to go, you go to check again fully expecting to have been outbid. This has not happened. You grip your mug of tea and start wondering if you might actually win this thing, which would be awesome but also … YOU ARE A CONTENT STRATEGIST. PEOPLE’S EYES GLAZE OVER WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO. This would be bad. So, that would leave what … why you get so annoyed at crappy error messages? How you become known as Tentacle Porn Girl* (that will not look good in the search terms logs)? Your hair colour and spacehelmet combo?
No, No. It’s fine. No-one ever wins an ebay auction from an hour out. There will be last minute sniping. You will be fine and no-one will ever know about your narcissistic momentary hope of being internet famous for 15 minutes and wanting to ride round London in a sports car with a fellow nerd.
There is three minutes remaining. Two. One. Thirty seconds. This where those sniping things kick in. You will lose.
You vaguely ponder putting in more than the maximum bid and then you remember that you are just doing this for charity and you are happy if the charity makes more money than you can offer. Even if you don’t get to be in the lovely car, with the lovely comedian on the lovely internet. You refresh.
Any moment now. Brace yourself for the disappointment.
HOLY FUCKING FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER BAREBACK RIDING ON THE BABY JESUS.
And that’s how you end up getting a slot on Carpool.
I am actually really looking forward to it. We film next week, around Central London and the lovely Mr.L says he already has some questions for me (probably the same questions as the taxi driver I had yesterday “People pay you to think about what should be on their websites?!!”). I think I might even have some questions for him. As a content person, I’m always delighted to learn exactly how much time and effort it takes to create any form of online stuff so I shall be sure to find out more about that.
Also, zOMG totally takin an epic ride in mah epic car with mah epic new internet best friend @bobbyllew !!11eleven1one!
(If you’d like to find out how I get on, the best place is to watch me blather on twitter. I’m @RellyAB. I will totally live tweet my carpooling.)
*This a long story, involving doujinshi, Bar Camp Brighton, IP infringement, and Andy Budd going to Japan. I will tell it one day.